Before You Assume Their Motive, Seek Understanding

Leadership isn't tested when everything goes right. It's tested in the moments when something goes wrong.

As leaders, our minds are incredibly efficient. Sometimes...too efficient. A mistake happens.

Someone gives an answer that doesn't make sense. A deadline is missed. A patient complains.

Within seconds, our brains begin assigning motives.

"They don't care."

"They're being lazy."

"They weren't paying attention."

"They're making excuses."

Or perhaps the most damaging assumption of all..."They lied."

The problem is that our assumptions are often built on incomplete information. We don't just observe behavior. We assign meaning to it. And once we've decided what someone's motive was, everything they say afterward gets filtered through that belief.

Recently, I watched a difficult leadership conversation unfold in a dental practice.

A doctor believed an assistant had intentionally misrepresented information during a clinical procedure. From his perspective, honesty had been compromised. His frustration wasn't really about the procedure itself—it was about trust. Instead of reacting in front of the team, he did something different. He invited her into a private conversation. He calmly explained why accuracy mattered to him. Not because he wanted control. Because every clinical decision ultimately carries his name, his license, and his responsibility. Then he asked her to explain what had happened. What emerged surprised everyone.

She hadn't been dishonest at all.

She had simply learned a different clinical technique in previous practices and believed she was following what had always been standard in her experience. What looked like a character issue was actually a communication and expectation issue. One conversation changed the entire narrative. This experience reminded me of something every leader needs to remember...

People don't come to work intending to create problems.

Most misunderstandings are born from one of four things:

• Different training

• Different expectations

• Different experiences

• Different definitions of what "right" looks like

None of those are character flaws. They're opportunities for clarity.

One of the most powerful questions a leader can ask is surprisingly simple:

"Help me understand how you arrived at that conclusion."

That question changes everything. It replaces accusation with curiosity. It invites explanation instead of defensiveness. And sometimes, it reveals that the real problem wasn't the person at all. It was the system. Or the training. Or the assumption that everyone was operating from the same playbook.

This doesn't mean leaders ignore mistakes. Accountability still matters. Standards still matter. Excellence still matters. But healthy accountability begins by identifying the right problem.

Correct the process when it's a process problem. Coach the skill when it's a training problem.

Address character only when it truly is a character issue. Those aren't the same conversation.

One sentence has stayed with me since that day:

Not every mistake is a character issue.

Sometimes it's simply an opportunity to replace assumption with understanding. The strongest leaders I know don't rush to judge intent. They slow down long enough to ask one more question. Because clarity builds trust. Assumptions rarely do.

Compass Point

Before you assign a motive to someone's behavior this week, pause and ask yourself:

"What might I not understand yet?"

That one question may change the conversation—and strengthen the relationship.